The "Why I Love My Boyfriend" Files.

I thought I'd start a series of posts on this particular subject. Firstly, because it will generate numerous posts which this blog so desperately needs (given, of course, that time permits and motivation prevails over laziness). And second, because I hope to share some insights on genuine love as my man and I discover it over the course of our relationship. With a decent mind and lots of prayers, the goal, of course, is to perfect love. I hope to bring up characteristics, qualities, and actions I've experienced and observed that are objectively valuable, although I suspect that occasionally, I might give a shout out to things I appreciate as a matter of personal preference. But that would be more the exception, rather than the rule. If there's one thing that my beloved and I have in common, it's that we are much more concerned about the pursuit of truth than anything. And in matters of love and romance, I suspect that most broken relationships can be saved if only both parties understood what love really, truly, objectively is. And my friends, it has very little to do with our subjective little preferences.

So let me start this series with one of the best things about my boyfriend. He is one of the few people that I know that has the right idea about love. A great example is the fact that he understands that to love truly, sometimes we must love in spite of our feelings. That sometimes, we must push past the negative emotions and resolve to hear out the loved one that had offended us. My boyfriend does this well, and whenever he does, he chooses to love me even when he's mad at me. It is one thing to understand that true love demands loving in spite of our emotions. It is another to practise it. And my man does both. I pray that he always be granted the grace to do so, and I ask for the same grace to return the favor.

What has amazed you about your man lately?

Just a thought...

I've always loved the way God created me, i.e. as a female. As all women should. But my man makes me love being a woman even more.

Thinking about it, I suspect that if you do not feel this way, you're probably with the wrong guy. What do you think?

Real Men Want to Have Children

Deutsche Fotothek‎ [CC-BY-SA-3.0-de (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/de/deed.en)], via Wikimedia Commons

#1 Because he must love his wife as God loves. Therefore, he must know and believe that true love bears fruit, and that he cannot deny the natural end of consummated love without denying love itself. And so, as creation is God's act of love, so must pro-creation be a man's act of godly love.

#2 Because he must image God. The Sacrament of Matrimony reflects Christ's love for His bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:21-33). The man images God, the woman images what will be the pure and perfect Church for whom our Lord gives His own life. So not only must man do the ultimate sacrifice of self for his wife when necessary, he must also reflect the life-giving nature of the Divine, who pours Himself out completely to His beloved Church, who creates souls into existence out of pure, sheer love. The man must take pride in this gift - in the fact that he is bestowed this great dignity to participate in the Lord's creation of souls, in loving persons into existence.

It's a Theology of the Body thing.

How do you know?

By böhringer friedrich (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-2.5], via Wikimedia Commons

Because I never dated, and instead, chose to wait until I found the man I will marry, I often get asked the question, "how do you know?" People fall in love all the time, and God knows I had thought once before (just once, thankfully) that I was in love with "the one", only to be proven wrong. Nobody likes it when that happens, and I'm sure many people who go through many failed relationships sincerely just want to fall in love with the right person and spend the rest of their lives together. And so, in this post, I will attempt to answer that question, in the hope that somebody might benefit from this little insight of mine.

First of all, the question can be taken in two ways: "How do you know this person is the one?" and "How do you know that it's love?" I have somewhat addressed the former question before, and so this time, I will answer the latter. This question of whether it's true love or not is an important and crucial question, not just for those who are about to start a romantic relationship with someone, but for those who want their existing relationship to last. Sure, it takes love to start a committed relationship that will eventually lead to marriage, but it also takes love - persistent and enduring love - to stay in one. We must know what love is if we wish to develop it, to nurture it, to strengthen it.

So how do I know it's real love?

I know it's real because it sheds light in my life and in myself. Not just the glow and radiance characteristic of romantic love that makes all things beautiful and finds great joy even in lives that previously only knew darkness. That light always comes with romantic love, and all lovers can attest to that. But it doesn't stop there. Romantic love, just as any other kind of love, must be a reflection of Christ, who is Himself light and love. And just as Christ's light reveals the beauty, grace, and overall goodness, so it also makes visible all the ugliness that seek to hide beneath the surface of things. Our Lord's love sheds light on everything. On goodness; because His beauty, His grace and mercy, abound. On evil; simply because it exists and must be defeated.

The Creation of Light / Gustave Doré

I know it's real because the relationship I have with my beloved sheds light on all things, both good and bad. As our relationship matures and grows in love, and as this love fills our lives, we begin to see ourselves and everything else more clearly. I see undeniable and unbelievable beauty, I feel inexpressible joy and elation. But I also see evil. The more I love, the more my sins become visible to me. Sometimes the light becomes too bright to be comfortable and I see my mistakes and transgressions for what they really are. I begin to see them where they were previously well-hidden. The light of love reveals my sinfulness to me so clearly that makes it difficult to deny it, to justify it, to pretend that I have any excuse for allowing it to corrupt me, and worse, to potentially corrupt or hurt the person I love.

This is how I know it's real. Because this love is rooted in truth - sometimes, in cold, harsh truth. It's not the kind that screams "take me for what I am and let me have my flaws!" or "let me do whatever I wish!" Not at all. It's the kind that doesn't let me look away from my imperfections and unworthiness without burdening my conscience. My love for him demands that I face them head on no matter how unsettling they are; it demands that I change them no matter how painful and difficult it may be. This love is light, pure and simple, and it comes from an all-consuming fire that seeks to purify - to make all things perfect. This fire is often harsh to our fallen, human selves, but it is what we are meant for. And so, for my love to be worthy, it must pass through fire. I must pass through fire. To reject this great light, fueled by the all-consuming fire, that comes with true love is to reject love altogether.

I choose to love. Therefore, I must let its flames purify me.

By Jim Capaldi from Springfield, USA (Sacred Heart) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Must Love Our Lady

I came across this excellent and inspiring page where we can take a minute to spend time with our Blessed Mother, as we ought to. Daily. And for a much longer time than what the page asks for (you love your Heavenly Mother more than that!).

But this site has got me thinking about love for the Blessed Virgin. Perhaps it should be one of the criteria for selecting a future mate. To truly and fully love the Blessed Virgin Mary is to love obedience, humility, and most of all, purity. Being our Lord's masterpiece, and in the most eloquent words of William Wordsworth, "our tainted nature's solitary boast", nobody is as pure as the Mother of our Lord. Ladies, a man with such a deep reverence and devotion to Mary will surely value and pursue purity and holiness in the woman he loves. And a woman who loves the Virgin Mary genuinely and completely will surely strive to follow Her excellent example of chastity, total obedience, and complete abandon to the will of God, unfazed by any great suffering it might entail. Such a woman is sure to be ever loyal, ever loving to her beloved no matter what the cost to her.

But most important of all, love of the Lord's Mother is love of our Lord Himself.  Even those who begin loving Mary for Mary's sake alone,  cannot remain thus if they truly loved our Lady. Let's not forget that our Lady's last recorded words in Scripture point eternally to Christ, "Whatsoever he shall say to you, do ye."

Our love for the Blessed Mother naturally flows from the love of our Lord. Our Lord was formed in her womb. We cannot love our Lord without loving the woman He loves dearly, the woman who had been closest to Him. She carried Him in her womb. She is precious to me, just like everything my beloved touches becomes almost sacred. I love her like I automatically love my beloved's family.  I want to be close to her, in the same way that my heart trembles as I hold with utmost care and reverence the letters I receive from the man I love because the same pages were held by him. We are deceiving ourselves if we still choose to believe that Our Lord came into close contact, was intimately united, with His mother and left her unchanged and empty, without leaving something of Himself in her. That does not sound like our Lord, who has revealed Himself to be relational beyond all measure and expectation, with a love that defies human comprehension  yet is supremely and undeniably Love. That could not be our Lord, who gave Himself  completely to us and continues to give Himself to us in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

My fellow romantics,  we expect our significant others to love and respect our earthly, biological mothers who are human and (therefore) imperfect. How can we not expect greater love and deep reverence for the Mother of our Lord, our Heavenly Mother, who is immaculate and free from sin? God made it easy for us when He made her as perfect as can be.

So how do you know you've found an exceptional man or woman of God? Find someone who loves our Heavenly Mother. Other people strictly say 'must love dogs'. Let's say, must love Our Lady.

"What It's Like to Be in Love"

Instead of the usual social commentary, I saw this pleasantly surprising blog post at National Review's The Corner, which describes quite eloquently the experience of being in love:

. . . being in love transforms not only one’s view of the love-object, but also of oneself and of the whole world. To the person in love, the whole world seems to come into a brighter and clearer focus, and inspires a sense of omni-competence: Anything I didn’t do before, out of laziness or lack of motivation, I am now able to do, and want to do.

Read the rest.

Does that ring true for you?

Real Men

They get it. Watch and learn.



For more info on the documentary, please visit the website: http://www.menaintboys.com/

H/T The Art of Manliness