See marriage in your future? Consider this.

Often, people tie the knot without truly preparing themselves. Anthony Buono of 6 Stone Jars (a great blog on Christian dating and relationships) tells us to consider the following when contemplating marriage:

Circumstances and disappointments are the cornerstone of any relationship. If you want to be in a great relationship of love and happiness, you have to accept that things are not going to go like you want them to. It will be filled with lots of unexpected things.

And it comes with advice that to some hopefuls might appear unpalatable:

People who cannot handle the unexpected might consider not pursuing marriage. A relationship of love is a mutual exchange of persons. If you cannot handle who that person is, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is not the right person. It might actually be the best person for you to benefit your changing for the better.

Of course, for those singles who have problems dealing with change, all hope is not lost. There is plenty of time to develop this ability and overall outlook. Remember that marriage preparation does not begin only after slipping that gorgeous, sparkly rock on your finger. In fact, if possible, it ought to start while you're still single. First, with prayers, and then with making the necessary changes in you. Ask yourself, "will I make a good wife/husband? What do I have to offer?"

Years ago, when I started developing feelings for my significant other and co-author, Peregrinus, my mother took note of the change in my behavior, and I was told that she said to my sister about me, in almost disbelief: "she ...cleans the bathroom now. We went out to the store and she wanted to get all these cleaning supplies."

Of course, that wasn't the only change I made, but it was one of the first things that occured to me. I've done different kinds of cleaning around the house before, but have purposely avoided the bathroom. So at the time, I couldn't help but think, "how could I honestly say that I would make a good wife if I couldn't even keep a house clean?"

This process of changing oneself is not easy. Heck, even the idea of changing the self for another person is difficult to accept in our "me first!" culture. But when I speak of such a change, I mean self-improvement. It includes looking honestly at and inside ourselves and discovering real flaws that we could (and should!) work on. This is something that we should be doing anyway, marriage hopeful or otherwise. But it is especially important if we wish to get married. For if we marry, it ceases to be about ourselves, but about the person we love. Selfishness has no place in marriage. We know we are thinking right about marriage and love when we focus on what we have to offer and not what the other person can give us. Marital union is a gift of self, not a gift we give to ourselves.

Of course, this does not mean we can be lax in our standards and foolishly think that as long as we have the right perspective, marriage will work out. It is important that your chosen spouse shares the same outlook. Marriage is a two-way street. It does not work if all the efforts to improve are only seen on one end. It is a good match when a man and a woman honestly say to each other, "I wish to be better for you."